No ambition
The Light of My Existence is threatening to leave me, because he thinks I have no ambition, and all I do is sit around playing on the computer. Right.
I sit around “playing” on the computer, all right. I don’t make much money at the moment, and spend a lot of time sifting through job listings, looking for legitimate local jobs amongst all the spam ads, making phone calls, and sending out resumes. I also spend some time each day working on increasing my typing speed. No ambition.
I freely admit that I read online newspapers and email my friends on a semi-regular basis. I also occasionally watch The Daily Show and/or cartoons on Adult Swim to cheer myself up after I read the news, which is mostly depressing. Sometimes I even write in this blog. However, most of the time I’m doing other things.
I’m frying my brain learning Linux and PHP… stuff that I can learn for FREE, and then take a few tests for under $500 to earn certification qualifying me for a $70k job that I would actually enjoy. But Himself thinks it’s all bullshit, of course, because I have an immediate goal of using my new PHP skills to redesign my personal website. No ambition.
I’m working on an outline for a novel that I have pledged to write in the space of one month. No ambition.
I’ve started transcribing (with much cringing) a drawer full of fading love letters my parents saved, which my mother wanted published after their deaths, because they were a biracial couple in the Deep South in the early Sixties, and she thought it was important to someday have their story told.
No ambition.
I love the idea of “transcribing” your parents love-letters. That is rich history that I for one would very much enjoy reading. I was born in the sixties to white parents. Then around ‘68′ or ‘70′, my mother met and eventually married a black man. My beautiful, talented brother came from this., and I grew up with a better understanding of what it must have been like. (My father, and his family were racists who would always attempt to plant horrible opinions of my black step-father in my mind) But to this day, I am blessed with my step-fathers presence.
He, and my mother divorced back in the late ’80’s’, but he is still a big part of my life. He still lives in the house that he worked so hard to get for us., kids that he was not obligated to care for, but chose to anyway.
But wait..This is about YOU! And how horrible you must be for having no ambition! lol (I’m sorry. I tend to get a case of ‘textual diarrhea’ when my mind has been stimulated with a mix of beer :P, and an interesting person such as yourself) ‘Burp’ scuse me! I think that you have a great gift, Creative Writing, and you should persue this at any cost. If he can really leave you, then he has no idea of who you are, and courted you for all the wrong reasons.
Oh, yes, it’s all about me. Me, me me. Yecch. Silly me.
I really am an insufferable ass, at times, (and who isn’t?) but getting yelled at for something that isn’t true at ALL annoys and depresses me.
I’m NOT without ambition. It’s just that there is a huge gulf between what I want, and what is likely to actually happen… but I don’t see any reason to not TRY to get into a dream career, like novelist or comic book artist, or even being a reasonably well-paid computer geek. I have to try. I’d rather fail than wimp out without even making an attempt.
I am still nonetheless working on getting a better-paying job, even if it’s not in my primary field(s) of interest. Just because I hate hate hate being poor.