I don’t have kids. I don’t want kids. BUT I don’t HATE kids. I actually rather like them, because they tend to be very honest, which frequently causes them to say things that are (unintentionally) funny.
Nevertheless, I just don’t want them anywhere near me unless they are impeccably clean and on their best behavior. [...]
I couldn’t get out of bed this morning.
Well, I did, eventually, but it took an astonishing long time, partly because only the LEFT SIDE of my back punked out on me, and I was terrified. I knew four days ago that I had a pulled muscle in my lower back, but I just did my [...]
A minor household disaster occurs while I am waiting for my ride to work, and a persistent telemarketer calls:
[phone rings] “Hello?”
“May I speak to Janice?”
“No, you may not.” [click]
… 45 seconds later
[phone rings] “Hello.”
“Is Janice in?” same voice from previous call
“Yes, she is, but her cat just barfed on the couch [...]